A Comeback Like Unto Lazarus

Last year Felipe Massa had a big crash and there was doubt right at the start as to whether he'd live. When it became established that he would, there was then doubt that he'd ever race again.

Just before the start of the F1 season, Felipe was making fastest practice laps left, right and centre.

And now we've had the first race of the season, in Bahrain. In which he came SECOND.

Wow. Just wow. Out of words.

Things That Are Fabulous

Unlike the Brat, I've not quite been ignoring the Olympics. Its schedule being from ohmygod o'clock in the morning until dinnertime rather meant that I didn't see much of them during the week, but it wasn't for lack of interest.

The weekends were different, and the Weasel and I spent hours watching people in full-body condoms zoom around tracks on ice skates, slide down hills with sticks tied to their feet, do aerobatics while attached to large tongue-depressers etc.

Which leads me to Yet Another List: Things That Are Fabulous.

Thing One: The Norwegian Curling Team's Trousers

Behold the magnificence

The sartorial equivalent of the loud drunk guy at your cousin's wedding, these bad boys (the pants, not the Norwegians) are available for sale for a paltry $US 89.95 per pair. If you can't quite stretch to that, you could always buy a "Respect the Pants" t-shirt for a much more accessible $US 15 or join the Facebook fan group, where you can learn to tell people how awesome their pants are in Norwegian.

And remember -- a man walks down the street in pants like those, you know he's not afraid of anything.

Thing Two: Johnny Weir

He's sparkly, he's outspoken almost to a fault, and he's ridiculously talented. Seriously. To the point where we can forgive him for being Lady GaGa's bestie.

No, really. Check it out:

As if anything else need be said. But sadly, it does. A couple of commentating velocipedes in Canadia made some crass remarks about Johnny's apparent

sexuality, including a suggestion that he should have to take a gender test.

WTF, CANADIA?? We thought you were immune to that kind of nineteenth-century homophobic bullshit.

Butanyway. Johnny, being the outspoken guy he is, had something to say about it. This is what he said:

And that, ladies and germs, is what a class act looks like. And why you, Johnny Weir, are fabulous. Long may you sparkle.

A Pirate

That's what I'm dressing up for the Sevens as. Given that the last time I went to this awesome amalgamation of a rugby tournament and the 48 hour party the standard response to "I'm going to the sevens" was "Cool!" and not "What are you going as?" it's safe to say it's been a while.

The parade yesterday was a good way to check out the teams, from the delightfully awkward English team, to the Argentines - Who were using the water bottles they had been given to squirt each other and the crowd.
(note: all the players seemed to be really short, what's with that?)

Free random air NZ beads completed the experience. I'm all set for an awesome, if hideously spendy, weekend.

P.S. I wanted to dress up as a zombie, but that was vetoed. Bah.

Good news, two counts thereof

You know, if a guy had to take the rest of the GP season off to recover from a head injury, they could wish for a worse person to take over their driving duties than Michael Schumacher.

That's right -- Michael is back, keeping Felipe's seat warm for Ferrari for the remainder of the season.

The Cheap Seats continue to wish for a complete recovery for Felipe -- the news that he's up and walking and off home to Spain next week was faaantastic to hear.

He's back!

Dan Carter just played his first game of rugby since snapping his rubber band Achilles tendon six months ago.

I pity whichever team was facing Southbridge -- you don't expect a club side from a two-horse town to contain one of the best players in the world, and I doubt they got much warning.

Dan admitted that he'd been a bit more careful than usual, but he's feeling okay and hopes to play for Canterbury next week in the NPC.

Yay!

Brevity

Brief Yay, I have just five minutes.

YAY - for The All Blacks proving half the country wrong. Including me. We love yous all. Especially Richie.

YAY - For England doing amazing things at Lords. We love that you're making Ricky Ponting angry.

And in the wise words of Jimmy - "It's not who wins or loses, it's who gets felt up."

The Italian Job

We nearly had one of the great upsets of world sport this morning. The All Whites squared up against Italy, one of the towering colossi of the soccer world, for a friendly match in Pretoria.

With the score at 2 - 1 to the All Whites at half time, yours truly was holding her breath (always fun when trying to work) waiting to hear whether or not they would prevail.

Sadly the answer was no, with the final score 4 - 3 in favour in Italy.

A round of applause (and a round at the pub, hopefully) to the All Whites -- scoring any goals against Italy at all is an achievement, never mind scaring them the way you did.

You've made this Kiwi proud.

Why does my predictive text have 'fielding' but not 'field'?

So, we've got some cricket back, and the real rugby is just about to start - And I'm mostly wondering why they all have one season, but there you go.

The All Blacks are failing already this season - Richard Kahui is broken and with Dan Carter and Richie McCaw out we are not sure who will be bringing the sexy back for the AB's this year. Lets hope we find someone, or the Springboks will take out the tri-nations pretty award.

And I would like it put on record that we have to stuff the French in no uncertain terms or I will cry.

Annnnnnnd, onto the cricket - and for your daily installment of WHAT THE FUCK? England lost the opening match. Against the Dutch. Yes, I did a double take too. There are only four professional cricketers in that team, and the English have squizillions at their disposal. I dont know what happened, so would someone like to fill me in?

NZ play Scotland tonight, and if we don't win, I suggest all test-playing nations should pack in this twenty20 bullshit and go play tests, lest we all be deeply embarrassed.

And from the "Are we sure they werent playing cricket?" files, The New Zealand juniors rugby side beat Uruguay 75-0. Hat-trick hero was one (cleanly shaven) Zac Gilford. Yay.

Annnnnd lastly, the Cheap Seats would like to bid a not-especially-fond farewell to Andrew Symonds, who after further behaving like a drunken monkey has been sent home with his contract in tatters. After what he (drunkenly) said about our Brendon McCullum on the radio, I can't say we're sad to see him go. Well, I could, but it would be a lie.
Jesse, this is what happens when you don't get a clue. We're kinda glad to see you getting a clue, really.

Reports of my death have been mildly exaggerated

So, sports fans, I've been ill. Really ill actually, which is sucky.

BUT! I have been using the time when I am sprawled on my couch to do things like watch rugby and IPL and bad football movies.

So, how about that Super14. How awesome are the Hurricanes? Yes, the answer is "really really awesome." Although Stirling Mortlock was not hit by a meteor, he did get owned by Corey Jane, and his team got completely owned by the 'Canes. Eight tries. It was glorious to watch. It was glorious to be at (and I don't just say that because I get a kick out of being allowed to leave the house). Only bad point was the morons who sat behind me, giving the three people in Petone who aren't bogans a bad name. Bring on the Blues!

Though, note to said awesome Hurricanes, Shave. For the love of all that is holy, shave. Corey, this is especially relevant for you. That thing growing on your face is nastay.

Also mad props to the New Zealand Army team, who stuffed the Australian Army team 26-0 in the curtain raiser.

I really don't have much of an opinion on the rest of the Super14, except to say that I have watched the highlanders and can only come to one conclusion. Jimmy Cowan is a moron. (Seriously, who the hell picks a fight with AJ Venter?)

Oh, and the Crusaders lost to the Cheetahs. Hahahaahaaaaa...

And I watched some of the IPL, and really, just when you thought the uniforms couldn't get any more ridiculous, the Indians prove us wrong. What's happened to Brendon McCullum anyways? Did he forget to take his batting ability to the Republic?

Go the Penrith Panthers!

Now that might seem like an odd headline for someone to post when it's reasonably widely known that they don't give a fourpenny sideways about rugby league.

But when the Panthers do something as cool as hire Aussie league's first openly gay cheerleader, I think they deserve a bit of recognition for it.

So go the Panthers and go Aaron Neich!  I wish you a long and happy career in your chosen art.