Im only sniggering a little bit

Okay, I didn't actually watch the Super 14 final. Roland Garros was on, see, and my mum is in charge of the telly when it comes to all tennis related matters.

And, I didn't actually care that much...

But it seems the Chiefs got utterly and comprehensively pwned. Which is embarrassing, as they're supposed to be the best this country has to offer. Can we blame Suzie?

With Richie McCaw still a bit stuffed, and Scott Waldrom broken into three pieces, who the AB's openside will be is interesting. Whether Rodney So'oialo will get the nod as captain is also interesting. Who the frick we're going to put at lock will be furtherly interesting.

I think we should send a big "Get Well Soon" card to everyone who got broken by this years Super 14. Why are they expanding it again?

And in other, vaguely annoying news - Chelsea won the FA cup.

In Which We Are Officially Underwhelmed

Well, that sucks.

Both the Hurricanes and the Crusaders lost, meaning the final will be in Pretoria between the Bulls and the Chiefs.

This leads to a dilemma. The Chiefs are the Chiefs and the Bulls are South African, so it all comes down to which team we want to lose the least.

We at the Cheap Seats have this thing about supporting the underdog. The Bulls are going to be on their home turf, and it's the opinion of both the Brat and I that they are the stronger team, so here it is...

GO CHIEFS, we suppose.

At least they have Richard Kahui.

Fiji, Baby!

Yes, okay, we lost.

But having never been to Hamiltron, City of the Future, before, I am finding it to be pleasant, warm and the stadium to be entirely awsome in a way that is reminicent of Athletic Park.

The game rocked too. All of it was exciting, but I knew when that fog rolled in that we would come off second best (Christchurch, anyone?) Those 'Canes need to learn to play under pressure, and not drop the ball all the damn time. Perhaps it was because they shaved. We, the public, are glad they shaved, however. I was also very impressed with the refereeing, and just... it was oarsome. The whole thing. Except the losing.

Then there was drinking. And now I am in a state that is not hung over, just merely over.

And now Im going to yell at the Crusaders tonight, because, well... We cant have a final in Saffrica, can we?

Enter... Cricket. The hit-and-giggle World Cup is coming up (I know because Iain O'Brien said so in his blog) And I would like to take a vote on whether it actually really matters. I vote no, because our uniforms are so silly.

Annnnnnd Because it's tangentially related to Twenty20 cricket (he does play it after all) here's Aiden Blizzard.

See, if he had been in that calendar, I woulda bought it.

It's Semi-Final Time

So it's Super 14 semi-finals weekend. The Brat has gone to Hamiltron, City of the Future, for the Chiefs vs Hurricanes game, where she reports she has found a bar with free bubbly for girls and a free bus to the game. (She always lands on her feet, does the Brat.)

The Cheap Seats' pick for this match is the Hurricanes, for two reasons:

1. They're the Brat's home team.

2. If they lose it means the Chiefs are in the final, and well, come on.

The other semi-final is in Pretoria tomorrow, between the Bulls and the Crusaders. Our pick for this match is the Crusaders, also for two reasons:

1. They're my home team (yeah yeah I've lived in Otago for 20 years, but they're still my home team, okay?).

2. If they lose it means the Bulls are in the final. And we just can't have that, can we?

Brat and I have a mutual support agreement in place for this set of fixtures -- I'll support the Hurricanes for the first semi and she'll support the Crusaders for the second.

If they meet in the final, all bets are off.

Reports of my death have been mildly exaggerated

So, sports fans, I've been ill. Really ill actually, which is sucky.

BUT! I have been using the time when I am sprawled on my couch to do things like watch rugby and IPL and bad football movies.

So, how about that Super14. How awesome are the Hurricanes? Yes, the answer is "really really awesome." Although Stirling Mortlock was not hit by a meteor, he did get owned by Corey Jane, and his team got completely owned by the 'Canes. Eight tries. It was glorious to watch. It was glorious to be at (and I don't just say that because I get a kick out of being allowed to leave the house). Only bad point was the morons who sat behind me, giving the three people in Petone who aren't bogans a bad name. Bring on the Blues!

Though, note to said awesome Hurricanes, Shave. For the love of all that is holy, shave. Corey, this is especially relevant for you. That thing growing on your face is nastay.

Also mad props to the New Zealand Army team, who stuffed the Australian Army team 26-0 in the curtain raiser.

I really don't have much of an opinion on the rest of the Super14, except to say that I have watched the highlanders and can only come to one conclusion. Jimmy Cowan is a moron. (Seriously, who the hell picks a fight with AJ Venter?)

Oh, and the Crusaders lost to the Cheetahs. Hahahaahaaaaa...

And I watched some of the IPL, and really, just when you thought the uniforms couldn't get any more ridiculous, the Indians prove us wrong. What's happened to Brendon McCullum anyways? Did he forget to take his batting ability to the Republic?

Things that amuse me. (aside from the phrase "cheese on a stick")

1. The Blues. Man, they suck. They got beat something like a zillion to half a zillion by the Chiefs. The game was a bit pants, but good in a watching-on-prime-on-sunday-avo kind of way.

2. Team Kiwi. Not just cos theyre racing V8's. But cos theyre doing it in a hire car.

3. The Warriors. What's this winning all about then? And has Stacey Jones actually aged at all in the time he's been away from the game, or has he found the same fountain of youth that the Briscoes lady has been drinking from?

4. The Slack Caps. They suck worse than the Blues. And Iain O'Brien seems to have fallen off the curry wagon. (seriously, thats all he seems to eat. Maybe he's pandering to the eleventy billion Indian commenters that seem to have shown up on his blog.)

5. Bernie Ecclestone. No Bern, no one likes your "winner take all" competition format. Not even your mum.

5. The Red Bull f1 teams and their current game of "collect the Sebastien's" Of their four drivers, three are named Seb.

6. The Cheetahs. Whom I even let get out of Dunedin without stalking them. Arent we all proud?

Like fruit salad, here's some of everything.

First of all, my thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who was affected by the terror attacks in Lahore a few hours ago. It is reassuring to hear that the players are all out safely.

Okay, I'm back.

I have a room with no furniture, and it appears I also can has autumn. I miss summer already. The Cheap Seats have a hub, but no bar, thanks to the demise of the grand and glorious Bowler (Which Madame and I sent off in style...)

The twenty20's have been rife, with the Black caps making up for the utter fail of their run chase in Sydney by stuttering their way to two victories.
Brendon McCullum was amazing, despite not going for the gigantic fucking slog everyone seemed to think he had to carry out. Instead he, gasp, steered both our inning's in a fashion that was both entertaining and intelligent. If he keeps that up I might have to stop considering twenty20 the red-haired stepchild of real cricket.

Now, it should be noted that these games were played in February, which is still (though not in Dunedin) late summer. On the first day of Autumn there was another twenty20 game. Madame Backslash has already discussed the rain which ruined that one. The efforts of the ground staff were herculean, the Canterbury boys stealing Aaron Redmond's rugby ball was highlarious but watching Otago win by default... Uninspiring.

And just to top it off for the first ODI it is raining. In Napier. Napier is the place I gave myself first degree sunburns. It never rains in Napier. At least not in summer.

Although as I wrote this post I got to watch a replay of the game that I gave myself such horrible sunburn at, last time India played in Napier. I even wrote about it in my diary. The entry was emo, but that game was a good one.

And now for another episode of, The More You Know... *cue theme music*

They actually played CricketMAX internationals! (for those of you who don't know, if twenty20 is the red-haired stepchild of real cricket, then cricketMAX was the partial-birth abortion. It was like a forty over test match, one side batted ten overs, then the other, then the first side again, and the second. There was also the opportunity to get extra runs by hitting the ball into certain areas of the ground. It was terrible, and also entirely Martin Crowe's fault.) But apparently they played six international cricketMAX games, the last of which was NZ vs India in 2002. I got to watch the replay, and it was just as awful as I remember.
Note - 20 year old Brendon McCullum did in that game exactly what he did in the recent twenty20's. The boy has always been a class act.

As a nice slide from cricket to rugby, the Otago Highlanders came to play cricket against some students at Otago Uni today. They were good at batting, good at bowling but shit at catching. Which may go some way to explaining their current position on the Super 14 ladder. Jimmy Cowan especially seemed afraid of the ball. Which was yellow. And plastic.

Actually, given how bad the kiwi teams have been performing I don't think I'll talk about rugby, except to say that the Highlanders playing against the Crusaders as the warm up act for Shihad is O for Oarsome.
Oh, and big ups to the Hurricanes for beating the Crusaders. I'm going to be rubbing it in to Madame backslash for, oh, at least the next six months.

Wow... Long update is long.

Posting while drunk - both big AND clever

So. One would think, from the lack of updates, That the cheap seats were done and I had watched none of the rugby.

But you would be wrong. I watched ALL of the rugby. All the teams I barracked for lost. And I watched the twenty20. And Vic beating NSW in the Sheffield shield. And I have been on an MCG tour.

But, being fatigued, exhausted and emotionally drained (not to mention having made a GIGANTIC arse of myself - sober - in front of Iain O'Brien) I'm not going to update about any of that. Instead I am going to pose this question

What is the correct response to the lyrics

I can tell you, my love for you will still be strong, after the boys of summer have gone?

a) But untill they leave I'll keep hooking into this cute Irish guy.
b)And at least as theyre leaving they still have their shirts off.
c) The reason they're gone is because Tori picked them all up last night.
or
d) And your mum?

See you back in kiwiland...

The day of epicness

So.

Yesterday.

Well.


I headed off to the cricket at 10am, cos I am a freak like that and I was meeting a friend in a pub at 10:30 before the gates opened. And of course, it was pissing down with rain. So we sat in this pub, well past the appointed start time of the cricket, and figured it would be cancelled, stuff would be a draw, and all would be sucky.

I waited until 4:30 when I could see no sign of improvement and hopped on a bus to go back to the hostel and watch the Highlanders snatch defeat from the jaws of victory as is their usual custom.

Then I went next door to the net cafe and had a heart attack when I realised that yes, there was gonna be some cricket, holy shit. One mad dash and taxi ride and madder dash later, I'm in someone else's seat yelling and screaming and loving my cricket, even if it had turned into a twenty20.

Then the rain returned, i stood in it, for it was beautiful and soft and heavy and tropical and all kinds of gorgeous, so I ended up soaked to the skin and being snogged by random Australian who had never thought of the beauty of his own town's rain before.

And somehow, despite more than 3/4ths of the game being played, and us being ahead on the D/L par score, they abandoned a match we should have won. Martin Guptill was utterly amazing. Fults was good, Tayor needs a spanking every time he tries to play on the leg side, and Daimante (who is much older than he looks) was very cool. We should have won. Moral frigging victory to us my friends.

I'm heading off to Melbourne tomorrow, whereby I return to the deep south as a homeless person until I can find a flat. I'm not going to the actual twenty20 in Sydney, as it would have cost an arm, leg and my future firstborn to buy the tickets. I'll watch it on telly in Melbourne.

If you don't think the cheap seats are a place for sappiness, turn away now...
Because of the way NZC have scheduled no tests in the South Island and only one ODI, I will probably not see my boys in the flesh again this summer. I am feeling quite melancholy about that, (aided by the huge amount of alcohol Ive been drinking) and I would just like to say to any of them who might be reading, and any of my readers who actually care, that I just love seeing live cricket, I've loved it, it's been awesome, and win, lose or draw, they're my absolute heroes.

Bring on India.

Bring on Rugby.

Long Live Cricket.

It's All About The Silver Lining

Jimmy Cowan has been named as Captain of the Otago Highlanders for this year's Super 14.

This means we have an idiot as our captain.

On the bright side, he appears to have gotten over his difficulties with alcohol, so we don't have a _drunken_ idiot as our captain.