Saturday, February 28, 2009

Oh FFS Dunedin!

It's common wisdom that February and March are the best, most settled weather for the pursuit of such outdoor activities as cricket and its close cousin Twenty20.  

I only have one thing to say to that:  Bollocks.

The State Twenty20 final is due to start at 2.30 today.  It rained buckets overnight, to the point where I got soaked to the skin during a ten-minute walk out in it.  And it was still raining when I dragged my hungover self out of bed at 9.30 this morning.

So, because it's not actually raining _right now_, they've decided to take some time to figure out whether to proceed.  The decision will be made at... 2.30.  When the Brat, the Weasel and I will already be at the Oval either getting wet or trying to find a place to put our blanket down where it won't be soaked through in five seconds flat.

Bloody ridiculous.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Go the Penrith Panthers!

Now that might seem like an odd headline for someone to post when it's reasonably widely known that they don't give a fourpenny sideways about rugby league.

But when the Panthers do something as cool as hire Aussie league's first openly gay cheerleader, I think they deserve a bit of recognition for it.

So go the Panthers and go Aaron Neich!  I wish you a long and happy career in your chosen art.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Posting while drunk - both big AND clever

So. One would think, from the lack of updates, That the cheap seats were done and I had watched none of the rugby.

But you would be wrong. I watched ALL of the rugby. All the teams I barracked for lost. And I watched the twenty20. And Vic beating NSW in the Sheffield shield. And I have been on an MCG tour.

But, being fatigued, exhausted and emotionally drained (not to mention having made a GIGANTIC arse of myself - sober - in front of Iain O'Brien) I'm not going to update about any of that. Instead I am going to pose this question

What is the correct response to the lyrics

I can tell you, my love for you will still be strong, after the boys of summer have gone?

a) But untill they leave I'll keep hooking into this cute Irish guy.
b)And at least as theyre leaving they still have their shirts off.
c) The reason they're gone is because Tori picked them all up last night.
d) And your mum?

See you back in kiwiland...

Friday, February 13, 2009

The day of epicness




I headed off to the cricket at 10am, cos I am a freak like that and I was meeting a friend in a pub at 10:30 before the gates opened. And of course, it was pissing down with rain. So we sat in this pub, well past the appointed start time of the cricket, and figured it would be cancelled, stuff would be a draw, and all would be sucky.

I waited until 4:30 when I could see no sign of improvement and hopped on a bus to go back to the hostel and watch the Highlanders snatch defeat from the jaws of victory as is their usual custom.

Then I went next door to the net cafe and had a heart attack when I realised that yes, there was gonna be some cricket, holy shit. One mad dash and taxi ride and madder dash later, I'm in someone else's seat yelling and screaming and loving my cricket, even if it had turned into a twenty20.

Then the rain returned, i stood in it, for it was beautiful and soft and heavy and tropical and all kinds of gorgeous, so I ended up soaked to the skin and being snogged by random Australian who had never thought of the beauty of his own town's rain before.

And somehow, despite more than 3/4ths of the game being played, and us being ahead on the D/L par score, they abandoned a match we should have won. Martin Guptill was utterly amazing. Fults was good, Tayor needs a spanking every time he tries to play on the leg side, and Daimante (who is much older than he looks) was very cool. We should have won. Moral frigging victory to us my friends.

I'm heading off to Melbourne tomorrow, whereby I return to the deep south as a homeless person until I can find a flat. I'm not going to the actual twenty20 in Sydney, as it would have cost an arm, leg and my future firstborn to buy the tickets. I'll watch it on telly in Melbourne.

If you don't think the cheap seats are a place for sappiness, turn away now...
Because of the way NZC have scheduled no tests in the South Island and only one ODI, I will probably not see my boys in the flesh again this summer. I am feeling quite melancholy about that, (aided by the huge amount of alcohol Ive been drinking) and I would just like to say to any of them who might be reading, and any of my readers who actually care, that I just love seeing live cricket, I've loved it, it's been awesome, and win, lose or draw, they're my absolute heroes.

Bring on India.

Bring on Rugby.

Long Live Cricket.


News from Brisbane...

I am shattered, both emotionally and physically.

Will update properly tomorrow.

Apologies to Neil Broom for blaming him for the rain on O'Briens blog.

Highlanders still suck.

Hurricanes play tomorrow.

Im going to bed before I cry.

Thursday, February 12, 2009


And now your news from Brisbane, Australia.

It is raining.


Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Pass the bucket, Peter.

Further news from Sydney, Australia. (But my flight to Brisbane leaves tonight)

Firstly - Something serious. The fires in Queensland, devastating, deliberate utterly utterly awful... And now things need to be done. If you're in Australia reading this, go to your local blood bank and donate blood. Next week when I return to Melbourne I will see if being a kiwi means I can donate blood too.
If you're not in Australia, send money. Really. Call your local Red Cross, they're setting up that sorta thing.

Now for the cricket... Tobias the German has been educated as to the differences between cricket and golf (which are of course many and varied, cricket actually being a sport and golf well... not.) And the Aussies have recalled everyone they thought they would beat us without and have started beating us. But not by much! Its setting up to be a real tough one in Brisbane on Friday (The 13th, Black Friday, think that might help us any?) I'll try not to cry if we lose this time.

And guess what also happens on Friday? The super 14 starts. may I be the first to ask Why are we playing rugby in summer again? Fortunately my Hurricanes are playing on Saturday so I won't have any "oh no what should I watch" dilemmas. Tobias, who has decided he likes this Brat enough to follow her to Brisbane, may get disappointed when he figures out that yes, all I do is watch sport and drink. Really.

Hope my next post will be about our awesome win!

Sunday, February 8, 2009

"Sign her Tits Tim!"

And now your news from Sydney Australia.

Ive been to two games... In Australia. of course the first at the MCG was really brilliant, we won, I watched ostrich boy and Neil Broom (Broom, really?) win it for us. Elliott should have got man of the match, but having no hands, he couldn't accept a large cheque, so they gave it to pup. I was never worried about our state of the game, so long as we keep the Aussies batting boring, we would be fine.

They batted exciting today in Sydney. it was great. It was hot, (I have very bad bikini sunburn) and we bowled badly. Really really badly. Tim Southee was asked to sign Maddy's autograph book, whereby the crowd decided he should sign her boobs. Timmeee, next time you're presented with opportunity to sign a nice pair of tits, take it mate.

I though I couldn't love and respect Baz McCullum more than I did... I do now. So full of painkillers he could barely stand up, a face the colour of milk, sweating like it was the heat of the day in India... And he still smashes sixes. What a fucking hero.

Still 2-1 up.

Quote of the night comes from Tobias, the German in my room - "So cricket, that is kind of like golf?"

No Toby, no it is not.

Off the field my wallet has been stolen, I have no money, and am very sunburned. Bad, bad times.

Guptill fan club now has five members. Tomorrow I'll put it on facebook.

See yous all in Brissie!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Happy Perthday

I was planning on writing about both games I've been lucky enough to attend in Perth - the final game of the SA/OZ ODI series followed by NZ's frist crack at the vulnerable Aussies.

Screw that. It's not every day we travel to Australia - the far end of it at that, and win.

My seats for both games weren't cheap - so let's ignore the title of this blog while we give thanks for shade on a 38 degree Perth day. The view from the top of the Prindiville stand is one of the best in the ground.

NZ supporters were few and far between and I was not about to throw on my ODI shirt when surrounded by yellow clad aussies. Yes, call me a wimp and I'll just agree with you.

There is nothing threatening about our bowling attack, and given the groundsman's prediction of a belter, I was surprised at how tightly we bowled. Add to that a typically tidy fielding performance and at one stage it was looking like Oz would be bowled for around 150. I felt a little less comfortable with things as they edged over the 180 mark. We could well struggle, and as it turned out, we didn't make easy work of it at all.

I guess the Broom dismissal has to be mentioned. To me, the TV evidence doesn't lie, and that's really all I can say about that. There's no shame in admitting a genuine mistake is there Mr Haddin? I can only assume that Australia are looking at a different set of footage than the rest of us.

Given that we are experts in the art of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, I wasn't too surprised at how things turned out. As wickets fell towards the end, I sunk further into my seat and kicked my ODI shirt further out of sight.

The final overs went on for an eternity. What was it you had to talk to Nathan Bracken about after every single ball, Ricky? Finally, the last six balls arrived, and I would have happily taken a draw at this point. What had looked simple four overs ago now looked like it would all go horribly wrong. Enter Danny. How he struck that four is still a mystery, but thank God he did.

Much screaming and jumping followed, and not just from angry Aussies. We'd won. The feeling was indescribable. It still is. There's nothing quite like getting one over on the old foe.

Special mention to the beer snake of doom and the streaker who went all the way.

Now it's off to Melbourne. Who knows? Maybe we'll win again.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Full Credit to, well... Everyone.

Well, despite the blindness of the umpires, we won. We actually actually won. And I will be in Melbourne for the next game. I'm all a-quiver.

And, despite dodgy knees and an even dodgier bandanna, Rafa won. Which is awesome. Even though it made Roger prove that he is a big wuss. Buck Shelford wouldn't have cried.

So. It was a night of two games, everyone gave a hundred and ten percent, and my multi-bet was the winner on the day.

Oh, and I suppose I should mention that Northern won the State Shield against Otago a few days ago. I like the look of this Kane Williamson. (And not just like that.)

George came up with the best quote ever to describe Grant Elliot - "Elliot can't bat, he's an ostrich! Ostriches don't have hands!"