Yer wot?

I recently saw someone on the 'tubes describe Danica Patrick as "The Anna Kournikova of [motor] racing." (To be fair to him, I don't think he really believes that, but rather threw that statement out as a point of discussion. Well, it worked.)

To which I say BOLLOCKS. And this is for the following reasons:

(Yes, it's another list. Deal.)

1. Danica Patrick has actually won something.

2. The rules of Ms Patrick's sport were changed to make it harder for her to win things.

Neither of these applies to Anna Kournikova -- the first because she's not actually that good, and the second because there's no need.

Now, notice what's just happened here.

I've had to defend a sportswoman for actually being _good at her sport_ rather than mere eye candy. And, rather alarmingly, in order to do so I've had to denounce another sportswoman as mere eye candy, which made me more than a little queasy.

Now, as much as we on the Cheap Seats are partial to a bit of eye candy, I doubt very much that most professional sportsmen have to put up with the same kind of comparisons, at least, not on a regular basis.

As far as we've come towards equality of the sexes, sportswomen are still judged more for their looks than their ability, and the amount of training and effort they put in is seen as largely irrelevant as long as they look good doing whatever it is they do.

And even beyond that, it doesn't matter if Danica Patrick was the greatest Indy car driver the world has ever seen -- she wouldn't get a look in at an F1 race because... she doesn't have a penis.

F1, much as I love it (and I do, oh how I do) is probably the most macho professional sport on the planet. There are no female F1 drivers. No woman has even been given a trial (at least a serious one -- Red Bull gave Danica Patrick a trial as a PR stunt). And such is the machismo surrounding the sport, it's unlikely that any woman will drive in an F1 race for quite some time.

And you know what, that's just daft. Like any other discrimination it's judging people on criteria other than how well they do the job. And that's just stupid. For all we know there's a female Lewis Hamilton out there, but she'll never get a chance to show the world what she can do.

For fuck's sake, people. What century is this, again? When sportswomen are paid less than men for the same work, judged on their looks rather than their ability and outright excluded from the most prestigious and lucrative sports out there, one could be forgiven for wondering.

Dear French soccer team

I see you are once again showing the kind of sportsmanship that led to the bombing of the Rainbow Warrior.

For goodness sake. It wasn't right when Maradona did it; it's not right now.

Get your hands off it, in all senses of the term.

No love,

The Cheap Seats.

Hold the Phone, They WHAT?

Some idiot with an air rifle has been shooting at riders in the Tour de France.

WTF, over?

Im only sniggering a little bit

Okay, I didn't actually watch the Super 14 final. Roland Garros was on, see, and my mum is in charge of the telly when it comes to all tennis related matters.

And, I didn't actually care that much...

But it seems the Chiefs got utterly and comprehensively pwned. Which is embarrassing, as they're supposed to be the best this country has to offer. Can we blame Suzie?

With Richie McCaw still a bit stuffed, and Scott Waldrom broken into three pieces, who the AB's openside will be is interesting. Whether Rodney So'oialo will get the nod as captain is also interesting. Who the frick we're going to put at lock will be furtherly interesting.

I think we should send a big "Get Well Soon" card to everyone who got broken by this years Super 14. Why are they expanding it again?

And in other, vaguely annoying news - Chelsea won the FA cup.

Reports of my death have been mildly exaggerated

So, sports fans, I've been ill. Really ill actually, which is sucky.

BUT! I have been using the time when I am sprawled on my couch to do things like watch rugby and IPL and bad football movies.

So, how about that Super14. How awesome are the Hurricanes? Yes, the answer is "really really awesome." Although Stirling Mortlock was not hit by a meteor, he did get owned by Corey Jane, and his team got completely owned by the 'Canes. Eight tries. It was glorious to watch. It was glorious to be at (and I don't just say that because I get a kick out of being allowed to leave the house). Only bad point was the morons who sat behind me, giving the three people in Petone who aren't bogans a bad name. Bring on the Blues!

Though, note to said awesome Hurricanes, Shave. For the love of all that is holy, shave. Corey, this is especially relevant for you. That thing growing on your face is nastay.

Also mad props to the New Zealand Army team, who stuffed the Australian Army team 26-0 in the curtain raiser.

I really don't have much of an opinion on the rest of the Super14, except to say that I have watched the highlanders and can only come to one conclusion. Jimmy Cowan is a moron. (Seriously, who the hell picks a fight with AJ Venter?)

Oh, and the Crusaders lost to the Cheetahs. Hahahaahaaaaa...

And I watched some of the IPL, and really, just when you thought the uniforms couldn't get any more ridiculous, the Indians prove us wrong. What's happened to Brendon McCullum anyways? Did he forget to take his batting ability to the Republic?

Like fruit salad, here's some of everything.

First of all, my thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who was affected by the terror attacks in Lahore a few hours ago. It is reassuring to hear that the players are all out safely.

Okay, I'm back.

I have a room with no furniture, and it appears I also can has autumn. I miss summer already. The Cheap Seats have a hub, but no bar, thanks to the demise of the grand and glorious Bowler (Which Madame and I sent off in style...)

The twenty20's have been rife, with the Black caps making up for the utter fail of their run chase in Sydney by stuttering their way to two victories.
Brendon McCullum was amazing, despite not going for the gigantic fucking slog everyone seemed to think he had to carry out. Instead he, gasp, steered both our inning's in a fashion that was both entertaining and intelligent. If he keeps that up I might have to stop considering twenty20 the red-haired stepchild of real cricket.

Now, it should be noted that these games were played in February, which is still (though not in Dunedin) late summer. On the first day of Autumn there was another twenty20 game. Madame Backslash has already discussed the rain which ruined that one. The efforts of the ground staff were herculean, the Canterbury boys stealing Aaron Redmond's rugby ball was highlarious but watching Otago win by default... Uninspiring.

And just to top it off for the first ODI it is raining. In Napier. Napier is the place I gave myself first degree sunburns. It never rains in Napier. At least not in summer.

Although as I wrote this post I got to watch a replay of the game that I gave myself such horrible sunburn at, last time India played in Napier. I even wrote about it in my diary. The entry was emo, but that game was a good one.

And now for another episode of, The More You Know... *cue theme music*

They actually played CricketMAX internationals! (for those of you who don't know, if twenty20 is the red-haired stepchild of real cricket, then cricketMAX was the partial-birth abortion. It was like a forty over test match, one side batted ten overs, then the other, then the first side again, and the second. There was also the opportunity to get extra runs by hitting the ball into certain areas of the ground. It was terrible, and also entirely Martin Crowe's fault.) But apparently they played six international cricketMAX games, the last of which was NZ vs India in 2002. I got to watch the replay, and it was just as awful as I remember.
Note - 20 year old Brendon McCullum did in that game exactly what he did in the recent twenty20's. The boy has always been a class act.

As a nice slide from cricket to rugby, the Otago Highlanders came to play cricket against some students at Otago Uni today. They were good at batting, good at bowling but shit at catching. Which may go some way to explaining their current position on the Super 14 ladder. Jimmy Cowan especially seemed afraid of the ball. Which was yellow. And plastic.

Actually, given how bad the kiwi teams have been performing I don't think I'll talk about rugby, except to say that the Highlanders playing against the Crusaders as the warm up act for Shihad is O for Oarsome.
Oh, and big ups to the Hurricanes for beating the Crusaders. I'm going to be rubbing it in to Madame backslash for, oh, at least the next six months.

Wow... Long update is long.

It's All About The Silver Lining

Jimmy Cowan has been named as Captain of the Otago Highlanders for this year's Super 14.

This means we have an idiot as our captain.

On the bright side, he appears to have gotten over his difficulties with alcohol, so we don't have a _drunken_ idiot as our captain.

Notes on a rain delay

Basin Brat has asked me to make some comments on the 4th ODI in Auckland this afternoon as she is tied up in the lions den with a hot boy.

It was a great pity that the game didn't get to be played until the end, if only for Martin Guptill's sake (side note: having never seen Guptill play before I was expecting him to look more Jeetan Patel, less Sean Pollock).
His 122 not out on debut was the highlight of the match and to see him salute his home crowd was pretty damn special.

The Windies were just getting underway after the first rain delay, chasing a revised target when the covers came on again. We were treated to The Coolest Man in Cricket hitting it all over the show as he does and Chattergoon just getting into this stride. Alas the fickle January weather came in and ballsed up another game. You'd think this was England the way this series has gone.

Sky did make up for it by showing highlights of a match from the Teal Era. Back when Nash had hair and Parore was our angry little man. Chris Cairns was doing a fine job impersonating Burt Reynolds with his porny 'tache and Scott Styris was thinner. Back when we could beat a substandard outfit 4 matches on the trot and look damed stylish while doing it. Back when I knew the players in the team. Who the hell is Neil Broom??
I'm going to go and sit in my rocking chair on the porch and bemoan the youth of today because Sky has managed to make me feel old.

One other thing I'd like to say.
How many more chances does Jesse Ryder get? Seriously, the boy needs a good smack. Who is he screwing to have kept his job this long?
And same goes for Skippy Sinclair. Send him back to CD and throw away the key.

See you in Napier on Tuesday, don't forget the brolly,
Lucy

Right... Sure.

Anyone still think we can beat Australia?

Anyone?

*crickets chirping*

Yeah. My thoughts as well. Of course I wasn't delusional enough to think we could ever beat them, not after our dismal display against Bangladesh. But we are of course looking much like we are about to lose to New South Wales.

NSW without their top-tier bowlers.

And we are about to face those top-tier bowlers, at the GABBA, a place which we have historically sucked the big fat one. Those bowlers will be threatened on pain of death to get through their overs within the allotted time. That's a lot of very good bowling coming very fast. Probably at the helmets of our batsmen, who all seem to be a bit short. (Big Jake not being there.)

To add to our problems, Jesse Ryder is quarantined in the hotel with a "Mystery Bug" ("Massive Hangover" is our bet, but what would we know?)

And Baz the superhero is spasming. Which would leave the gloves with Gareth Hopkins, the saddest old man this side of anywhere.

Seems we can't catch a break.

Or the ball.

And in more positive cricket news, Hamish Marshall is returning to play for the Northern Knights. We in the Cheap Seats heartily approve, because we think the twins are cute.