In the realms of unconciousness...

So, we are playing the French in Wellington tomorrow night, and I will indeed be going. (and stalking the French but that's a whole 'nother story.)

But, following Madame Backslash's lead, I thought I would include some more useful French phrases.

Your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberries.
Votre mère était un hamster et vos odeurs de père des baies de sureau.

How much have you paid the referee?
Combien avez-vous payé à l'arbitre ?

I recognise you from dieux du stade... That picture was hot.
Je vous identifie de dieux du stade… Cette image était chaude.

You wear pink underwear.
Vous utilisez les sous-vêtements roses.

In other, rugby related news,

Dear Universe,

While my workout was greatly enhanced by the chance to watch a dozen All Blacks get sweaty from my vantage point on the elliptical - Why was it on the day when I am wearing my sloppiest trackies and sweating like a pig?

Love,
Brat.

P.S. At least we know they're doing something.
P.P.S. Corey Jane up close... Delicious.

PLUS - There's only seven days left to join my plane, do it, you know you want to.

https://www.scoreaplane.co.nz/default.htm?n=36V2211UO&m=joinPlane

As for the cricket - All I'm going to say is I feel a profound urge to find Marty Guptill and cuddle him. A lot.

Le sigh

Well, it was a game of two halves and Fail was the winner on the day.

I didn't cry, impressively enough. Mostly because I had the entire game to get used to the fact we were going to lose.

Cos, y'know, We sucked.

Okay, so did the referee. Hard. And in the second half, so did France, a bit.

But we couldn't hold onto the ball, and in the first half, the French got every turnover that was going and several that weren't. They played the referee better than we did, and also actually seemed to know what the rules were.

So, basically, the French deserved to win.

They are also FUCKING HUGE O M G!!! I don't know quite what they eat in France, but those boys have certainly been eating a lot of it. This means that when they tackle something, it stays tackled. Which was something we didn't manage, which meant they scored, a lot.

Really, I don't know if we will be able to pull it back in just a week. Our second half was certainly better than our first, thanks to Graham Henry gave the boys a kick up the jacksie so hard they'll be tasting dubbin for days, but our inability to gel will probably take a bit longer to fix.

And you know whats even worse? I think they're better looking than we are... In a Eurotrash kind of way, of course.


Edit because a performance as bad as this one does not deserve it's own post,

Dear Slack Caps,

RE: Your Batting.

WHAT THE FUCK?

Why did you bat first at all? Why keep sweeping? How the fuck did you manage to get all out?

99... bloody hell.

No love for at least three days,
Brat.

P.S Highlight of the match - Brendon McCullum taking out Marty Guptill. Honestly if the All Blacks had tackled like that they might have won.

And yes, Coney has proved me right. He's just come out with this gem "Connell is from the same area of New Zealand as Ewan Chatfield - steady, dutiful horse that he was."

Seriously. Why is this man constantly comparing other cricketers to things you ride?

And I've been told I'm not allowed to say awful things about Jesse Ryder's groin infection. So share your best joke with me!

Totally keeping a straight face...

I have Australian friends, I know they love their cricket team. So Muffin, Dan, Maddy, avert your eyes now...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... The Aussies and their awful uniforms have not made it to the super eight.

On the down side, this means we now have the ugliest uniforms remaining in the tournament.

MySky? My arse.

So, due to excessive MySky fail, I didn't see us have a wee wobble against Scotland, although I hear some of it was rather good. I also think having a game decided by seven overs of slog is retarded and indicative of the silliness that is twenty20 in the main. Although I am totally loving the upsets (well done the Windies!) I remain sceptical that this is the future of cricket.

And, for something completely different- Barbarians were funny and Luke McCalister seems to have eaten all the pies.
Roger Federer is now the best tennis player evar and I'm going to have to listen to the Mothership rhapsodising over him for a long while.
And, I'm over Jenson Button winning as the BBC commentators are becoming the most obnoxious things to ever grace the airwaves.