Dee dee dee dee de de dee de deeeeeeee

Look, look, there's... Stuff. It's happening!

In random updates of news *cue news-type music*

The Phoenix are made of win and goalkeeping! It's the season that just keeps on giving! There was a fan day with the Hurricanes, and that was actually a whole lot of fun.

The Hurricanes are winning and the Crusaders are not! Haha.

The Aussies are coming! They have some very quick bowlers. I'm taking bets on how many concussions our lads end up with.

Brett Lee is retiring from Test cricket to play twenty20 and be bitter about women. Or something close to it.

Kane Williamson and BJ Watling win the men's one day title. I assume there were other players involved, but pft.

I still haven't paid attention to the Winter Olympics.

And I have participated in a podcast! Listen to me be drunk and opinionated with the dropkicks.

Dear French soccer team

I see you are once again showing the kind of sportsmanship that led to the bombing of the Rainbow Warrior.

For goodness sake. It wasn't right when Maradona did it; it's not right now.

Get your hands off it, in all senses of the term.

No love,

The Cheap Seats.

When in Rome

Hello possums! Last weekend I went on an expedition to foreign climes, namely a hop across the ditch to Melbourne to watch a friend of mine get married. (And it did happen -- matrimony was definitely the winner on the day! I wish a long and happy life to Glasshopper and his new wife K.)

I love Melbourne and I'm rather fond of Australia, as it happens, on the grounds that it's just like New Zealand except for when it's really, really not.

One of the things I really love about Melbourne is that nobody follows rugby there -- everybody's into Australian Rules Football, aka "rules" or "footy".

How much are Melbournians into their footy? The first time I visited, I found myself with a bit of free time and had a look through a local paper. The page headed "Religion" held... the footy results.

Last Friday night I found myself in my hotel room with very little inclination to go out, and that Melbournian phenomenon, Friday Night Footy, on the TV. Collingwood vs Essendon, one of the great grudge matches between two famous teams. (Hell, even I've heard of them, and I'm a New Zealander.)

So I watched the game.

All of it.

All two hours of it.

Why, you ask?

Well, there are 22 reasons per team, each in superb physical shape, wearing singlet tops and tiny shorts. And doing a lot of running and jumping and kicking. Seriously, what's not to like.

And it's different enough from rugby that I was riveted for the whole time, trying to work out how the game play went. No, really. I watched for the game play. As well.

Interestingly, every single Australian I talked to about it said "That was a crap game!" I don't know enough about how the game works to know whether it was crap or not. It was entertaining, and I'd like to see more of it.

And not just for the singlet tops and tiny shorts.

Honest.

The nice ones

Proving that she doesn't just blog about sport, but play it too, The Brat and my friend George headed out to do some pre-season football training. Partly to increase the chances of George making the A squad again, partly to get my new boots, which were cheap but may be the wankiest looking boots on earth dusty.

As we practiced our crosses, a sweaty man came over and in a very "Bend it like Beckham" moment asked if we played for any side. I responded in the negative, and he asked why, as we both looked as if we had talent. I called George over and she told him she played for Wellington United. I didn't mention I hadn't played for two years due to my body falling apart in undignified ways.

Sweaty man turned out to be Michael Utting, former All White goalie and someone who had the misfortune of playing for both the knights and the kingz. We shook hands, he wished us luck, and we said we would be about a bit so we might bump into him again.

We then grinned for the rest of the day.

It's quite a training motivator, meeting an old hero.